The obvious, yet painful truth no one realises

Hi friend

I don’t always do this but, today I am going to make you question your choices.

Well, you will be the asking the questions yourself. I will help you kick-start that process but first…

Now, back to the process.

The obvious, yet painful truth no one realises

I’ve spent more than 1827 days in the self-improvement space. I have 1 takeaway from everything I’ve read.

What do I mean?

There’s a lot of advice out there. Most of what we can apply acts as training wheels.

Advice acts as a guide to where you want to be in life. Yet, you need to understand what you’re trying to be and why you’re trying to do so.

Confused?

Let’s take a simple example.

Why do you love social media?

Because it makes you feel good. The happiness is high when you get likes and comments. You feel validated and loved.

What happens when you keep your phone down?

You miss that feeling, don’t you? You seek that validation again.

You take out your phone and start scrolling, posting and sharing to get more likes and reactions.

Have you ever wondered why you need that validation in the first place?

Why not get that love and validation from something else?

We’re human beings after all. We seek approval (and that’s inbuilt) but there are better means to do so.

If you’ve tried to use your phone less, you’ve already realised that you feel anxious when you see other people doing well in life.

Great job! You’ve already done step 1 in the process - Accepting that there’s a problem.

Step 2 would be introspecting on what’s the root cause.

To find a solution, you need to have a problem after all. Being problem aware is a win. Now, let’s work on the solution.

After all, you have to put theory of self-help into practice.

Continuing our example of social media, if it’s social validation you are missing ask yourself this:

• When was the last time you met a friend/ called someone you cared about?

• When was the last time you went to a community gathering and contributed without expectation?

Now, there is no right or wrong answer. You might be a bachelor or have a family of 12 so the nuances matter.

If you’ve not been able to do anything to overcome this lack of validation in the real world that’s a potential area of focus.

• If you’re a bachelor, meet a good friend. If you don’t like your friend circle, go for a social gathering based on your interests. It can be running, music, coffee workshops - anything!

• If you’re a family member, meet a family friend or, for a change of pace (and space) meet a friend who’s a bachelor. The difference of perspectives is always refreshing.

In doing so, you’re:

1. Breaking patterns of behaviour

2. Avoiding artificial satisfaction from a screen

How do I do this for other problems I am facing?

Here’s a secret. I have a lot of problems, but I’ve come to accept them or try to. I have sticky notes reminding me to be present in the moment. I understand your pain friend 🤗

The only question (yes, a question to guide questions) I have is “How does this help me achieve what I want to achieve?”

We face a lot of distractions. The best way to eliminate them is seeing if those distractions have a “yes” or no” to this one.

Putting it into practice

Keep in mind this is a simplistic approach to what requires more than 5 minutes of reading a newsletter.

I will leave that up to you, but a tip before we part ways for now:

This will call out any b.s. your mind is hiding. You don’t have to feel bad. The answers are yours after all.

That’s it for today, but before you go, don’t forget to hit reply for your FREE call and get a chance for a free discovery call :)

Until next time
Cheers

Rainar